BANDCAMP. 

http://jessicamitchell.bandcamp.com/releases

the songs themselves are available to download for free, or you can name your price for both songs through the EP titled “Piano”.  just my two most favorite songs i’ve written on the piano, and would love for you to have them. 

this is a test run, just want to see how this whole thing works, so pass it along to your friends! 

hugs and kisses. 

JESS. XO

so in lieu of the holidays,  here’s a gift for you. 

the album is almost complete.  next week we’ll finish guitars and keys, and then mix a little, then lay down the vocals. 

i can’t express my anxiety with finishing this thing.  it’ll be a year next month we’ve been working on it and frankly, i’m glad for that.  merely because i know that it’s where i want it to be.  and i know you guys will love it.  for the first time, it’s ME. 

hold onto your hats kids.  it’s gonna be a wild ride the next couple months.  

<3. 

JESSICA. XO

6 month update from the studio yesterday…. 

think back to a time when you felt like you mattered. 

when there was nothing but happiness in your life, and you felt like you could take on the fucking world with nothing but a smile on your face. 

think back to when you knew that no matter the obstacle, something in you repeated the words, over and over, “YOU CAN DO THIS”.  when the simple hug of a friend or a coworker, or a lover or a family member could make everything okay again. 

remember that feeling, bottle it up, and try to turn it into something you feel RIGHT NOW. 

it’s hard sometimes, isn’t it?

we push the boundaries of our self-worth only so far sometimes, and nothing seems to turn out the way we want it to.  be it a friend telling you how it is, or your sister calling you names.  a boyfriend or girlfriend breaking up with you for reasons you can’t possibly understand.  and it destroys us.  whether we want it to or not, whether we want to give people that power or not. 

i’ve been more than honest about what music means to me.  now it’s time to etch in stone what LIFE can mean to me. 

i’m wrapped up in a moment where i can’t choose what matters and what doesn’t.  family matters.  your best friends matter.  music matters.  work matters.  but underneath all of those things that are important to someone, i just can’t seem to find where I MATTER. 

i’m intelligent.  i’m loving, appreciative, and full of hope for what is possible in the future.  i’m talented as shit.  i can put words down on paper better than i can face to face, but i still have the skills to translate them when i need to.  i am beautiful, i am something.  and as much as i want to believe those things, sometimes we give others the power to help us NOT believe them. 

it’s never anyone in particular really, just moments in time that pass where you’re left wondering what the hell your purpose is.  i learned that from an ex, PURPOSE.  he was so hellbent on having a purpose he didn’t quite stop to understand that what was happening to him WAS his purpose. 

i’m caught in the middle.  i have an album to finish and release, a new found appreciation for a voiceover and acting career, i have a family i love, friends i love, and people to meet and places to go.  none of that matters as much as FEELING like i have those things.  i’m about to embark on a journey in my life that not a lot of people understand.  for that, it can be a seriously lonely road. 

i work myself to the bone trying to understand what it all means sometimes.  the truth?  maybe we aren’t supposed to know what it means.  maybe we’re supposed to go through life blind wondering what happens next.  there’s no plan really.  only the goals we set for ourselves that could POSSIBLY be what happens.  as sick of those things as we sometimes are, maybe we’re just supposed to let it go the way it’s supposed to.  good or bad. 

the one thing i know, and the one thing i can honestly say in my heart is that there just IS no preparing for things sometimes.  doesn’t matter how awesome your life is, shit creeps up, it stings you in the ass, and you’re left going, “what the fuck? i did everything right, didn’t i?”

and this isn’t about love.  it’s not about friendship, or family.  it’s about you.  it’s about thinking about the last time you really mattered.  and not to someone else, but to YOURSELF.  think back to the last time you said, I LOVE MY LIFE.  I LOVE WHO I AM.  I LOVE WHAT’S HAPPENING.  i’m making a difference.  i’m making the right choices. 

if it’s today, i’m proud of you.  because you matter to yourself.  you don’t let anyone pass you by, and you take life by the balls, and make it for YOURSELF.  selfishness is not always a bad thing. 

i’m trying to get there.  i’m trying to get it back, get ME back to where i belong.  that shit takes time, it’s not a secret.  i want to matter to me.  nevermind mattering to someone else, family or otherwise.  i want to take all the good and all the flaws within me and let em shine, bright and sunny.  don’t take shit from anyone but yourself.  no regrets.  no hatred. 

i know it’s silly, but there’s always going to be a moment that i look back to from a television show that i reflect on.  the words hit me, and they stuck.  greg laswell describes it all perfectly.  he’s brilliant in that sense.  so good at describing the pain we face to get to the painless.  i love him and his lyrical genius for that, and he’ll probably never know it. 

the words can be interpreted in many ways.  they can be pushed in whatever direction you choose.  but to me, it translates into all of the things around you that MATTER. 

including yourself…. 

“did you say it?  i love you.  i don’t ever want to live without you.  you changed my life.  did you say it?  make a plan.  set a goal.  work toward it.  but every now and then, look around.  drink it in.  cause this is it.  it may all be gone tomorrow….”

off i go…. 

j.

for my first photo, i give you, me and my wifey. (Taken with instagram)

caught in a storm….

we biked to the beach for a chill porch party. this is what rolled in when we got here.

so we’re headed into the second half of the recording process. 

leads were laid down on sunday by the great jimmy reid, slamming some ridiculous one take wonders on these rockin’ songs of mine.  needless to say, i am happy as a pig in shit. 

i’m leaving for vacation next week.  going to unwind, relax, and have my zen time to myself for 7 days before coming back and starting up on my guitars and vocals.  we’ve probably got about a weeks worth of stuff to do, and i’m hoping (and aiming) to be done everything to be able to be mixed by the end of the month. 

i had this idea last night after writing an entry in my music = life journal (where i’m taking full albums that inspire me and relating them to moments in my life, and it’s pretty brilliant.  may release it one day anonymously of course).  i sat down with the songs from the album and went through them one by one.  i’ve created song blogs for each individual one.  what they mean to me, or you, why i wrote them, when i wrote them.  the explanations give you an idea of what the record means to me.  with a title like “you know what you did” i’m sure it wouldn’t be tough to work it out on your own.  but the beauty of it is that i’ve always written from personal experience, and i take pride in that.  i find no meaning in music that hasn’t happened to you.  or someone else. 

so once the songs are mixed and ready, i’ll be previewing the blogs.  until then it makes no sense really to post them, you have to hear it to really feel what it means. 

we’re almost done guys.  almost there.  i sincerely cannot wait to experience it with you.  it’s been a long time coming.  in the meantime, if you didn’t see the acoustic session for “make it so”, one of the songs, here it is. 

j. xo

caught in your headlights, yellow and gold

keeping my eyes closed ‘til warm turns to cold

brushing the snow off from under my feet 

is it time to go now?

staring with wonder into your eyes

while we wait for morning when nothing seems right

but i’ll beg to differ ‘til i’m blue in the face

but then i know what you’ll say

honey it’s nothing we have not seen before

cause i’m just the water that covers your shore

i can’t tell the difference between you and i 

so i’ll wait here while you put out the fire

painted with colours that seem bittersweet

i’m holding my heart down until it becomes weak

and sometimes you can’t have all that you want

but the ship will keep sinking unless we stay afloat

chorus

i’m caught in your headlights, yellow and gold

and i’m keeping my guard up as long as i’m told

i give nothing to chance it and take something to keep 

i’m wiping this slate clean from under my feet

i’m staring with wonder right into your eyes

i’ll wait for morning cause something seems right

you’ll beg to differ ‘til you’re blue in the face

but there isn’t anything you couldn’t say

to change

it gets 

STICKY

riding on your back waves

waiting for the light to change

but don’t let it wait too long

or you’ll wake up in the morning and it’ll be gone

all lies, all the time

lyin’ to myself to make it alright

and even though, it don’t show

i got a million reasons to make it so

break it off, keep it low

no point in cryin’ about what we already know

it’s so close, it keeps so close

don’t keep it in the dark for too long or i’ll make it so

it gets 

RISKY

twisted in a web of love

somewhere where we belong

but i don’t have an excuse

for the things that i need to do 

i do them all for me cause i want to

CHORUS

you’re so far from this

you can’t be onto this

oh now baby if it feels this good

you’re so far from anything

anything needed, wanted, oh i gotta want it

i said baby i gotta want it

without it i’m a fools mess

(x2)

you’re so far from this…

break down

pull the little pieces 

all together now, leave it alone

i should’ve known

should’ve known better

but we don’t always do what we’re told

you stood still

i crossed my heart 

hoped to die

while you just smiled, kept it all locked up inside

you broke in 

you cast your spells

held me down

without even trying

and i believed you could change

boy was i wrong

you’re the still the same, you’re still the same

thought i had it at all

but you’re still the same, you’re still the same

fade out

pull the black screen down

all alone now, walk away clean

i didn’t see

didn’t see it coming

but we don’t always want to see what is real

threw me up

against the wall

left me with no room to breathe

breathe it in like i needed to

hit me right where it counts

held my heart

in your hands

i really believed you could change

chorus

you shut me out

you shut me down

you take the blame this time

you keep me pinned

you keep me pinned 

let me out, let me out of here now

chorus

thought i had it all

but you’re still the same, you’re still the same

thought i had it all

but you’re still the same, you’re still the same

thought i had it all

but you’re still the same, you’re still the same